There are very few things that can make me stop having a conversation with a girl at a bar. Bad breath, a closed mind, ordering a Coors Light, wearing Skechers, woo-ing when your song comes on…ok, I lied. There are many things. But the major turning point is when I ask her what music she listens to. I actually prefer to ask this question first, because I think musical taste says a lot about your personality and if you are Taylor Swift’s number one fan, we probably won’t see eye to eye on other subjects. By all means, this isn’t meant to judge someone on who they jam out to, but here are my subjective breakdowns of what a girl is like based on her iPod.
THE UNTZ UNTZ FIST HI PUMPER
OMG. SHM. TAO? EDC? EDM!!! For some reason, there are lots of acronyms in the electronic dance music scene. I would say they’re lazy, but we all know, that is far from the truth. If a girl says she is a fan of EDM, you need to be ready to muster up the energy to handle her. She goes to Vegas once a month, probably works in a decently paying 9-5 job that supports her need to see every single DJ, and can party harder than a frat boy who got expelled from San Diego State. Her hands go up, and they stay there. The whole damn song. She takes a shot and then screams. She works out to Kaskade, drives to Calvin Harris, and was front row at Swedish House Mafia’s very last concert. Her uncanny ability to work hard during the week and rage on the weekend is impressive and can be attractive, but you need to be on the same program, or you’ll never catch up. Wild yet focused, she is always just a step ahead of you and will need a lot of convincing to slow down.
THE BACKPACK ROMANTIC
Slug speaks to her heart and she wears her scars like the rings on a pimp. She crate digs on weekends for Wu-Tang vinyl and knows that Common sampled George Benson when he used to love hip-hop. Dabbling in photography and more of a wallflower, she isn’t the type to be aggressive in a relationship. From journaling to sketching, her creativity knows no bounds. Her mellowness and down to earth qualities makes her a find, but her complexities are harder to decipher than an Aesop Rock verse. Knowledge is key here. Not just in music, but also in understanding love and the journey she’s been through. She’s been hurt before because she was once a vulnerable open soul, but that’s all changed over the years. Expect her to be guarded in matters of the heart, so patience is vital. She be to rap, like key be to lock, and her beauty is amazing once uncovered.
THE INDIE SPIRIT
As hard as it is to generalize “indie” music, it’s even harder to generalize those that listen to it. She could be vegan. She could only eat meat. Hell, she could not eat at all. But the one thing that’s definitely true is that she’s always going to know more than you. Your coworker will tell you about his brother’s dogsitter’s uncle’s band from San Clemente, and she somehow already knows them and recommends the acoustic version of their hit single which she consequently plays for you on her custom pressed vinyl. Coachella is her graduation and Burning Man is her after-party. Her favorite era is the Prohibition Era so be ready to speak easy and keep calm. The scotch and whiskey will flow free like her spirit so you can’t be controlling. Respect her know-it-all mentality and realize beneath that is a soul that is thirsty for new things. Don’t challenge her on her strong subjects, but introduce her to your life. Surprises, getaways, and cooking bacon cupcakes are all going to get you in her good graces. Don’t tame her, but show that you can be just as intriguing and get ready to whisk her off to the Sasquatch Festival in Washington to see Mumford + Sons.
THE RATCHET AND CLANK
2 CHAIIIINZZZZ. You don’t mess with this girl. She doesn’t need you. If a dude grabs her butt at the club, she can beat him down her damn self. Tyga is her soundtrack on the dance floor and if you interrupt, she ain’t got time fo dat. I can’t help you here. I’m terrified of this girl.
THE NOSTALGIC CLASSIC
There’s a bad moon rising and she drove the Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. If you don’t recognize CCR and Don McLean lyrics, you should probably just leave this one alone. She’s from a different time who was born in the wrong era. Joan Baez sang her lullabies as a child and she’s never forgotten her roots. Her parents were probably hippies and passed the torch with music. You’re going to have to really know your history in order to impress her.
Obviously these are all generalizations, but all in all, there is something to be said about how music affects your upbringing and actions. I grew up in a house where my father played Neil Diamond every Saturday and my mom sang Carole King on karaoke at night. In elementary school, I wore my clothes backwards in homage to Kriss Kross and got sent home. During junior high, my sister introduced me to The Beatles and it was all I listened to for a year straight. High school was filled with DMX, Darude, New Found Glory, and anything The Neptunes produced. Researching hip-hop and its roots didn’t occur until college. Indie music followed with Karen O leading the way and I’m now here.
After all of this, I’ve learned to appreciate each of these genres and it speaks volumes of my appreciation for women. I don’t want the untz untz girl or the ratchet and clank. I want the girl who encompasses all of the above, because she’ll understand me. We’ll have been through the same experiences and have arrived at the same point. So my advice isn’t to judge someone by what they listen to. It’s to use it to interpret their mind and soul. Ask her what her favorite song is, because chances are, the lyrics are coming from her heart. You just have to listen.
-Words by Ryan Teng