No-Sign: The Buffoonery That Is The Beamz DJ System

No-Sign: The Stupidity That Is The Beamz DJ System
No-Sign is a regular feature that gives an in depth opinion on whatever deserves a proper verbal thrashing.  Basically, instead of earning a highly esteemed Co-Sign, it’s about to catch fade on a No-Sign.  In this edition, Grandmaster Jay, Flo Rida, and the Beamz DJ system will get bodied.

Now as much as you would like to believe that it is, the object that you see above is in fact, NOT Galactus’ helmet.  It will not make fancy faux laser beam sounds or explosion effects once you put it on.  And no, it really isn’t the slickest looking TV antenna ever made.  So go back to your bootleg cable.  If you’re now stumped as to what that contraption really is, I don’t blame you.  I also had no clue upon first glance.  Well thankfully, we have highly esteemed musician (sarcasm alert) Flo Rida to give us some help and declare that thing above as the next wave in revolutionizing DJing and helping armchair enthusiasts everywhere become a star.  Interested already?  There’s more kids.  All this can be accomplished by simply looking like a complete cornball and attaining a status level akin to that of some drunk frat boy winning an air guitar contest at the local dive bar.  Cool right?  If that sounds appealing to you, and you would love to revel in the riches of a free round on the house and the adoration of some random chick as drunk as said frat boy and looks decent enough after that free round and a little less indoor lighting, well then watch below and behold the power of the Beamz DJ system:

Okay, in all seriousness, if you really think Flo Rida is the most reputable “musician” to represent any type of DJ product, then you are Miley Cyrus swinging butt-naked on a wrecking ball right through a Walmart in the Nebraska as she licks  Thor’s hammer crazy.  Or equally as stupid.  And if you think that looking like you’re playing Fruit Ninja is the best way to take you to dizzying heights of DJ stardom, then you need to stand in front of said wrecking ball.  Now in fair warning, I’d like to apologize in advance for putting you through any more of this stupidity, but trust, the ends justify the means.  Because as if that video above wasn’t enough, the dense marketing team at Beamz DJ went and fabricated their own “legendary” DJ to peddle the product as well.  Enter Grandmaster Jay:

This dude out here trying to convince us that a stolen DJ routine from DJ Jazzy Jeff and a back story of being a pioneer in hip hop and coming up with the likes of Grandmaster Flash is about as legit as Rick Ross’ criminal record.  First off, that video above was using an actual DJ Jazzy Jeff routine.  Seondly, Grandmaster Flash ain’t ever even heard of the guy!  But if that’s not enough to convince you how fugazi this phony is, go ‘head and watch his so-called skills on the turntables.  Don’t worry I’ll wait.

Stop it.  Hip hop doesn’t need any more fools out here making a mockery of the culture and music by means of trying to cash out with corny and terrible product.  We already have Miley Cyrus, Pitbull, and the aforementioned Flo Rida to credit for that.

What really needs to happen to be the end all to this whole situation is Jazzy Jeff contacting Uncle Phil and getting him to throw Flo Rida, Grandmaster Jay, and the Beamz DJ system out any nearby door or window.  Somebody get James Avery on the line, this needs to happen!  Oh and tell him he needs to bring Karyn Parsons and Tatyana Ali along.  Because Hilary and Ashley.

Richard "Reach" Guinto

Reach loves the Lakers, breakfast, the sound of a Fender Rhodes, and rapping along word for word to Wu Tang's "Triumph." If you're looking for him, he's probably out getting chicken.

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