2013’s Best: Hip-Hop Fails

2013's Best: Hip-Hop Fails

As humans it’s inevitable that we all make mistakes. Lucky for the majority of us, we are nobodies. Send a dick pic to your girlfriend’s mom on accident? No biggie. Throw up on yourself while drunk? Don’t trip. Hit a parked car? Who cares. It’s a totally different scenario for people in the spotlight. Their little mistakes become huge entertainment for well, ya know, us little people. If it’s not paparazzi stalking them, it’s crazed fans hounding them. Now rappers aren’t just any celebrity. They need to keep up this flashy, bougie lifestyle they’ve created so they keep quiet about their everyday lives. Their job is to be as cool as possible and you seeing them going grocery shopping doesn’t really fit that bill. At times their swaggy persona is cracked and we fortunately have TMZ, E!News, smartphones, and paparazzi to capture every greatly hilarious hip-hop fail we could ever want.

Drake’s Dada Meme
Drake's Dada Meme
When the initial picture of Champagne Papi wearing a full-on Dada Short Set hit the web, everyone was genuinely confused. What is going on here? What first looked like Drake sporting a box full of clothes he found at the Goodwill in the 90’s turned out to be a behind the scenes shot from his video “No New Friends” where Drizzy was caught in a suspect pose. And what do you do with a suspect pose nowadays? You make a meme of course! Drake becoming a character of Lion King – check. Drake heading a soccer ball – check. Drake in Micheal Jackson’s “Thriller” video – check. Drake being crossed over by Allen Iverson – check. It doesn’t stop there. We all hoped that after these glorious memes hit the internet that Drake would come out with a remix, “No New Memes.”

Young Money Signs Paris Hilton

Young Money Signs Paris Hilton
No lie, when I heard this I nearly shit myself. This has to be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. But let’s be real here, it is Young Money the same group that signed Limp Bizkit. Because what’s more relevant than signing Limp Bizkit in 2013? Duh, signing Paris Hilton. And if this news made you almost cry from excitement, then don’t worry because her album is coming out this summer with a song featuring Lil Wayne. So yeah, we all have that to look forward to.

Chief Keef Goes In And Out Of Jail

hief Keef Goes In And Out Of Jail
It’s quite evident that Chief Keef is no stranger to trouble. I mean he has even claimed that he hates being sober, so none of us should be surprised if he gets into any trouble right? But in the year of 2013, he has set the bar high for other rapper’s street cred. That interview he did at a gun range was evidence that he had violated his parole for obviously being around and firing weapons. He was then sentenced to a juvenile detention center for two months. The day after, he went to juvenile detention and was sued to the tune of $75,000 for not showing up to a concert in London where he was scheduled to perform. You think by now he would try and keep a low profile, right?  Wrong. Less than a week after he was released from jail, Sosa was arrested at his hotel room for drugs and disorderly conduct and was released later that day. A week later, he was arrested for driving twice the speed limit and then was released on bond. You thought he was done? Keef shows up for his speeding ticket court date and gets 18 months of probation. He leaves the courtroom only to be arrested on an old trespassing warrant. Oh, and then he was served with his second paternity suit that same day. Some great luck this kid has, huh?

Rick Ross Thinks Africa Is A Country

Rick Ross Think Africa Is A Country

For all of the children who could possibly be out there reading this, let me remind you that Africa is a continent, not a country. I’m also pretty sure that the continent of Africa is way more excited to end famine, genocide, or anything in that nature than the release of a fucking album. Good try Ross, good try.

Rick Ross’ U.O.E.N.O Controversy

Rick Ross U.O.E.N.O. Controversy
What do you do when you allude to raping a woman in a song? Obviously not apologize. I mean we are all to blame. We all totally misinterpreted “Put Molly in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.” You didn’t say rape, our bad. Ross tells the media, “Woman is the most precious gift known to man. There was a misunderstanding of the lyric…the term ‘rape’ wasn’t used. I would never use the term ‘rape’ in any of my records… we don’t condone rape, and I’m not with that.” For one, I must point out that Ricky Rozay has not even a clue how Molly even works. Two, he lost his sponsorship with Reebok that he would have allegedly died for.

Ray J’s “I Hit It First”

Ray J's "I Hit It First"

Ray J, who might be better know as Brandy’s little brother, released “I Hit It First” conveniently right after Kanye West and Kim Kardashian went public with their relationship. As we all know, and have probably seen, Ray J and Kim Kardashian’s sex tape was leaked in 2007. That’s where their ties end. Now Ray J claims that his song isn’t about Kim. If this song isn’t about Kim Kardashian then it must be about some other girl he made a sex tape with who went on to become one of the most recognizable and famous reality stars of all time right? Ray J really thinks we are all idiots. One, hopefully you all have seen the girl in the video because Ray J could have picked any pretty girl to be his leading lady, but he purposely chooses Kim’s doppleganger. Still not about Kim right? Two, either Ray J has taken up geography or he is taking a shot at Kanye with the line “I had her head goin’ north and her ass goin’ south, but now baby chose to go west.” Three, if you follow reality TV at all you will know that Kim’s last husband was basketball player Kris Humprhies, and her now fiancé is a rapper, so who is Ray J referring to with the line, “She might move on to rappers and ball players but we all know I hit it first,”? Four, the cover for the song shows a pixelized image of a curvy, dark haired woman in a bikini. Do me a  favor, go Google Kim Kardashian. What do you see? Oh, a clear version of the same image. Totally not about Kim at all. So, Ray J you might have hit it first but who is she going home to at the end of the day now – not you. Just stop.

Staff Writer

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