When it comes to the streetwear culture, a trend is like a potluck dinner – you bring a dish that you’ve made, and if the other people at the dinner like it, they eat it all, ask for the recipe and then try to make it for their family and friends who weren’t invited to the dinner.
“TASTE, AS DEFINED BY ‘HIGH CULTURE,’ ONCE IT IS ‘OVERDONE,’ IS NORMALLY PASSED ON TO THE REST OF SOCIETY AS LEFTOVERS TO BE DEVOURED AND RUMINATED OVER BY THOSE WHO WERE NOT INVITED TO THE FEAST.” – Julio Garcia Espinosa.
Sorry that got real deep real quick, but continuing on, I realized that trends in streetwear are so prominent, so hype, so REAL. However, there are some trends in fashion that need to either get out or try a little harder right now. Sure, there is a fine balance between wearing what you wear because it’s ‘in’ and wearing what you wear because YOU personally like it and fashion is about YOU, not the people. Like okay, I get it. But when the time comes, some things have just… got to go. And yes, I fall victim to a few of these, as I’m sure many of you do, so I’ll be the first to admit that I’m putting the ‘critical’ in ‘hypocritical’. So take that, rewind it back and read on!
Also, this isn’t one of those “5 Things Women Hate When Men Wear” types of articles; if you wear any of these things after reading this, I promise to still be your friend and like you for who you are inside.
I know, I know, how can I hate on paisley? Well this is what I realized about paisley:
When we see paisley on hypebeasts or celebrities, it’s like, “Oh man, I must cop dat!” When I see paisley on a middle aged woman at Starbucks in khakis, I’ve realized that it is time to give up the pattern.
I congratulate the creativity of designers in hip-hop culture from branching out of the simple and minimalistic rut it was in, with white font on black shirts or black font on white shirts. Paisley was the next step towards greatness, and it is a HUGE change from the minimalism, clearly. However, the fact that I bought a paisley shirt two years ago and see the same shirt sold today for $50 is ridiculous. Let’s come up with a new pattern. I know it may be tough, but I have faith in each and every one of you creative hypebeasts.
2. The Jersey.
For all of you readers who don’t know, the way I write these articles is by formulating ideas full of hate and sarcasm in my head about fashion, and then I either Google image or Tumblr these bad boys and see what I can find. Now, the fact that I simply typed in ‘jersey’ and got all of these images just blew my mind and made me realize why this is on my list. I wrote my first article on The 5th reviewing LPD New York’s jerseys last year, when they were just launching them into the fashion world.
When people say, “That was SOOO last year,” I usually roll my eyes, but listen to me: It actually IS sooo last year.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love jerseys. They make me feel like I am part of a team – Team Fashion, that is. The way in which we, again, are working with white and black graphics on shirts, throwing on a number and a name, MAYBE some stripes or floral print or dat paisley – if we’re lucky – just blows my mind. Honestly, it is a clean look on guys and girls, and I totally get it. I own one or ten jerseys myself, and wearing a jersey with no pants and some bitchy eyebrows is an easy #OOTD. However, can we try to stop making them so, for the lack of a better word, basic? Jerseys will always stay as a classic staple item in fashion, I admit it, but the more we water them down now, the more remedial they’ll become.
We’ll soon lose the C, L and S from ‘classic’ and replace them with a satisfactory ‘B’ (that was a nice like word game type thing, I hope that was your brain exercise for the day).
Seriously, #FASHION? I don’t understand. At least throw in like a $ as the ‘S’ or something, come on now.
No, your hashtags are neither ironic nor are they satirical in your clothing. Yes, they tell us that you are an avid user of Instagram and Twitter, and that you secretly want to be #instafamous.
I try to go through the mindset of what a person thinks when they see hashtags on clothing and are prompted to purchase it. However, I can never fully put myself in someone’s shoes and think of good reasons to buy a shirt that says #SELFIE.
All in all, I somehow blame #BEENTRILL for this. You can check my rant about that brand from a previous article a few months back. You’re welcome.
4. That is Supreme.. ly Enough.
Remember that whole Barbara Kruger and Supreme beefing thing? Remember when she said that thing about a, “…ridiculous clusterf*ck of uncool jerks”? Ok, well making shirts that are Supremely Kruger inspired is what a ridiculous clusterf*ck of uncool jerks would do. The fact that these graphics are still being designed and sold is killing me.
Please just take your red background and your white Futura Italicized font and get out of here. That’s enough.
Also, the AIN’T NO WIFEY graphic with the black background and white font? I’m watching you as well…
5. Bucket Hats.
Ok I know, I know, the bucket hat is super in right now. Everyone wears them. In fact, I’m sure you wore one earlier this week. Or earlier today. Or you’re wearing one right now. I was reluctant on featuring this item in this article, because I thought it was only I who had a strong dislike for this hat, but after casually surveying friends on their most hated trends as of right now, almost all of them said ‘bucket hat’ instantly. So the data proves it all. Go science.
I don’t have anything against these hats, I really don’t. Ok, I do. They’re not cute man. They’re just not. And you know what the scary thing was when I was searching ‘bucket hat’ on KarmaLoop for some photos?
We found 182 items for the search term “bucket hat.”
182 bucket hats. Wow. If I were to grade the bucket hat, I would take away that satisfactory ‘B’ and give it a failing ‘F’ (oh man that’s like two word games, your brain must be getting OFF right now).
To me, bucket hats are kind of like overalls. They came back from the late 80s and early to mid 90s and made a great splash in fashion. They’re old school, they’re hip, they’re retro, hashtagNOSTALGIA. But they’re not cute, and as we’ve seen with the overall, we become over all of it soon enough. Let’s just leave the bucket hats on the island, shall we?
So there you have it. The top five things in fashion that are killing me softly. However, like I said before, don’t change what you wear if you don’t want to. By all means, you wear that bucket hat with that jersey that has something #SUPREME on it with the bottom third of the shirt paisley. Prove all the basics wrong out there. Prove to the ones that “literally can’t even” that you… CAN even. Literally.